On occasion, I receive correspondence from various people asking me how I know what I know about birth and motherhood, since I have no children of my own. They want to know where I trained and what sort of "hidden agenda(s)" I might have.
I take this as a compliment.
There is a lot of varied information out there about childbirth, motherhood, fashion, and nutrition. I'm so thankful I don't have to know everything there is to know about those things. I don't know everything there is to know about childbirth and motherhood! And if you've ever met me, you know I'm hopelessly fashionless.
My credentials are outlined on my website, if you want to know what all of the fancy letters mean (squat, in fact). So while you're here, please enjoy the laundry as I air out my closet.
The baby will come out.
It's amazing, but true. You will not be pregnant with this baby forever, and you can probably give birth vaginally. If your provider says you can't, and you want to, ask lots of questions and/or get a second opinion.
The overwhelming majority of the time, a women grows a baby/babies she can give birth to.
It does not make sense that we have lived 3.5 million years on Earth by growing babies too big to birth. It's a tight squeeze, and in very rare cases it is not physically possible.
We are lucky to have modern medicine and obstetric care.
When problems arise, babies come early, mamas get sick, or accidents happen, we are incredibly fortunate to have access to lifesaving procedures, medications, and information.
Doulas are superheros.
And worth every penny, even if you love your provider, your spouse and your mother and want everyone in the room when you give birth. What's a doula? How do you choose? How do you hire me as your doula?
You are not expected to know everything about birth before you have your baby.
And if you do, it's a waste of time. You are not going to turn around and deliver the next baby, you just need to know enough to feel confident in your team. A birth class will tell you what you need to know.
The internet is for porn.
(That's a line from a musical). The internet is not for birth or mothering advice! There are safe places where you can get good, reputable information, and great places where you can network and commiserate about how long it has been since you peed alone.
Dr. Google is not your friend.
What to Expect When You're Expecting is not worth your time.
This book is about being afraid. Being very afraid. The authors forgot that birth is normal and that everyone walking around was born. I recommend these alternatives.
Breastfeeding is normal, natural, and possible (and comes with some hurdles).
The hurdles are real and without help, it can feel impossible to move forward. Help exists. Learn about it. Please ask me.
Everyone is trying to sell you things, because you're part of a "market."
For instance, I would like you to come to my classes. Other people want you to buy things not because you need them, but because they are selling them. This includes me. You don't need prenatal yoga. You don't need a crib skirt. Right?
Boobs and a carseat are the only things you actually need before baby comes.
If you're pregnant, you're halfway there. You can buy things later, I promise.
Motherhood isn't all roses and rainbows.
Everyone has a different journey to motherhood, with different baggage. You do actually need Mom & Me yoga to form a community where you can remember that you're doing everything right (even when you do something wrong).
There are bad mothers out there, but you're probably not one of them.
Everyone tells me, "I'm such a bad mother!" Then they talk about the time they put junior in mismatched socks, or turned their back and he rolled off of the couch, or gave him formula. Everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes do not make you a bad mother.
You are beautiful.
Yep, you. Even if you're covered in spit up or your ankles are as wide as your hips. Mama lions are amazing and so are you. Rawr.
That's my agenda. I reserve the right to amend it at any time.
What did I miss?
Nothing makes people smile like pictures of babies and baby animals, right? We go nuts for the big eyes, the tiny fingers, the various forms of baby fluff. There are whole galaxies of the Internet devoted to kitty porn because I firmly believe it is the only known remedy for the tragedy in the daily news and boredom in the corporate office.
So why oh why aren't new mamas the Happiest People On Earth?
First, Grumpy Cat doesn't cry, poop, or make your nipples bleed. So there's that. Second, there are some truly incredible things that have to happen in order for two people to make one more. These things involve hormones.
Most of the time, the making hormones are awesome, otherwise we would have gone extinct long before slicing bread. The hormones of breastfeeding and morning nuzzles are equally awesome. But this hormonal hootenanny can leave mama awash in a brave new world of ups, downs, and fun-house-mirror-sideways.
You've read about postpartum depression, but (like most things) what you've read through the popular medial lens is... um... not fully accurate. Before you stop reading and go back to the kitty porn, here are a few things I think you might like to know about postpartum depression.
It Ain't All Sad: technically, postpartum depression is one of many postpartum mood disorders. Even those diagnosed with this condition aren't necessarily sad in the sense that they are weepy, withdrawn, and no longer interested in joyful activities. More women experience anxiety and hyper-vigilance than overt sorrow. It is normal but you don't have to buck up and take it. If you know you're prone to anxious thoughts, or you start to make rules about how many times grandma must wash her hands before touching your little one, it's time to make a phone call.
Crazy Ain't Likely: most women who struggle with postpartum mood disorders avoid seeking treatment because they are afraid that someone will take their baby away. There is a mood disorder called postpartum psychosis, which the media have lovingly mis-labeled postpartum depression in some famous cases. This is certainly terrible, but the overwhelming majority of women with a postpartum mood disorder do not fall into the category of postpartum psychosis (that said if you are ever in a situation where you think you might be a danger to yourself or your baby, please call a friend and keep calling until someone answers, or call 911).
Don't Hold Your Breath: for whatever reason, we think of the postpartum period as the first six weeks after baby is born. If you make it through this time with just a little case of the baby blues as your hormones readjust to pre-pregnancy style, groovy. But that doesn't mean you're out of the woods. Postpartum mood disorders can creep up on you later in the first year of life.
Treatment Helps: learning that your feelings are normal and that there are ways to cope with them (other than laminating everything in your house or crying alone in the bathroom) is empowering. I think it is wise to connect with a therapist every three months even if you're feeling jolly as an elf. There is always something they can offer you, even if it has to do with your romantic relationship, your family, or your future.
Get Out of the House: the secret-agent aspect of Mom & Me yoga? You get to meet other mamas, especially those you've known from prenatal yoga. You get to learn what other mamas worry about and support one another. The instructor can also give you a little guidance and support if it looks like that's what you could use most.
The first year of your baby's life might be totally joyful, but you're likely going to experience some bumps as well. It's kind of like four-wheeling*. Sometimes the bumps are fun, and sometimes they are more than you are equipped to manage on your own.
*I know literally nothing about four-wheeling.
So many mamas eagerly join me for prenatal yoga. Pregnant mamas immediately recognize the importance of self care now that they are pregnant, even if self-care was not a part of their vocabulary or their week prior to pregnancy.
But once baby is born, yoga takes a back seat. And it should. I believe, and many indigenous cultures agree, that mama and baby should have some sacred alone time for the first several weeks postpartum. Now, most mamas I know don't spend six weeks alone with their babies, because it isn't practical or appealing. After six weeks, yoga can be a great addition for a number of reasons:
Get OUT of the house: getting out of the house is a lot more complicated than it used to be, but that isn't a good reason to just stay home. M&M yoga gives you an appointment to shoot for where walking in several minutes (or even half an hour) late is perfectly acceptable. Everyone understands the blowout, the extra long nap, or the grand schlep to and from the car.
Reality check: being home alone with an audience of a newborn (or two) can feel isolating for some mamas. Rather than consulting Dr. Google about normal behaviors for mama and baby, M&M yoga can give you a weekly view of other mamas and babies. If you're concerned about rolling over or possible postpartum depression, M&M yoga can offer a nice gauge.
Breastfeeding trial run: didn't show off The Ladies in public much before baby was born? Not sure how you will feel about it? Breastfeeding is welcome during and after M&M yoga class so you can feel confident that you are in a peer group with other women who are doing the exact same thing. In fact, post-practice breastfeeding time is one of the best times of M&M yoga, especially when I bring snacks!
Date with baby: if you spend all day with your baby, you probably don't schedule dates with them. And if you're away from baby for a good portion of the day, dates are a great way to connect. When you have a date with your baby, your perspective shifts from caregiver to companion. You get to play, enjoy their company, and create a very healthy dynamic in your relationship that will last your entire life.
Well, and YOGA: rather than jumping straight back into vigorous exercise, M&M yoga is designed for the new mama whose body is still changing. We take special care to stretch muscles that ache from holding baby or awkward breastfeeding holds, build low body strength, and pull the tummy back to a healthy position. There's a little quiet time at the end, too!
Are there benefits I'm missing? Please let me know!
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I'm one of those people who loves making your life easier (and I believe in you). I am an experienced registered prenatal yoga teacher and a lactation educator.
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Yogini's Favorite Prenatal Tips
Thanks for inviting me to be a part of this process with you. You're stronger than you think you are.