Last week during prenatal yoga we went around the room and had an even count: two expecting boys, two expecting girls, and two expecting surprises. This is the only situation where I've seen neutrality well received.

Another example, my BFF makes these incredible hand-made baby shoes and sometimes I accompany her to markets. People coo at the shoes and offer their praise and disbelief that such shoes even exist. Sometimes they confess they don't know anyone who is expecting, and sometimes they have a specific baby in mind. And sometimes, we get the vicious "My sister/co-worker/postal worker won't tell me what she's having?! She wants it to be a surprise?! Doesn't she know that the suspense is killing me???"

I understand that in the context of baby shoes, gender might be slightly relevant (although there are always numerous gender neutral options on the table). However, outside of this I wonder how and why we get so tied to the gender of the baby.

Tips for Mamas-to-be
Stand your ground. Unless you are the Queen of England, the monarchy does not rest on the gender of your offspring. Feel free to point this out.
Be kind to your fellow pregnant mamas who make a different choice. Some women desperately want to know, and that is their business. In the world of parenting, everyone is different, so this is a great practice point.
Meet your partner halfway. If your partner wants to know, s/he should get to speak their mind. Understand that they might be a little jealous that you get to make so many executive decisions. If you're in a partnership, be a good partner.


Tips for Your Friends on a Gender Bender
Focus on how you will treat the baby, regardless of gender. What is the same? 99% of the baby's needs will be identical regardless of gender, so focus on gender neutral or useful gifts that don't rely on gender, like silverware, car seats, and college funds.
Imagine all the things you will want to do with the new baby. Teach them to fish? Catch a football? Bake cakes? Pee outside? Maybe you think there is a gender bias in these activities, and you want plenty of time to change your perspective. Instead, make a full list of what you would do with a girl baby and a full list of what you would do with a boy baby. And then, do both.
Help others see the light. If there are others in your family or friend group who are still hell-bent on knowing, take them out for a drink and get all of the grousing over with. Help them to focus on the shared qualities. Remind them that this baby will not have the opportunity to rule the land based on genitals, but based on an electoral college (and redirect to a fun political debate instead!).

One of the things that terrifies me most about possibly becoming a mother one day is my intense love affair with sleep. I am not a doctor, midwife, or labor doula because I simply cannot imagine happiness in a life that includes fewer than eight consecutive hours of sleep per night. In fact, I had to take a break from writing this post just so I could take a nap.

It's in my genes, too. My mother is an Olympic Napper, or would be if they ever opened the event. After large meals we frequently take spontaneous family floor naps.

You probably have your own weakness, too. Perhaps yours also stands between you and your idea of the "perfect mother" like your maniacal obsession with clean countertops, your propensity for jet-setting, or your insistence on watching the Late, Late, Late Show. I have good news for you: so long as your weakness doesn't involve ritual sacrifice, you're very likely going to be a great mother. Especially if you know what that weakness is.

Steps to Being a Great Mother Even with a Weakness:
1. Identify your weakness(es). Determine which areas of your life appear to be inconsistent with motherhood and you're not willing to compromise. There should be one or two, or possibly three. More than three and you'll need to whittle your list.
2. Articulate ways others can help you (in writing). In my case, I would need people who are willing to come to my house to supervise mama nap time. I might also need someone to spend the night periodically/routinely to share the duties of night feedings. If you need someone who will help you learn how to travel with a newborn, or possibly babysit for a weekend now and again, it's good to know that now. 
2.5. If your request sounds silly in writing like "someone must come to my house at 11:35 each night so that I can stay abreast of all of the celebrity antics," maybe sit with it for a week before you proceed to the next step. But if it will make all the difference in your life, perhaps sit down with someone neutral to have a conversation about your needs. Maybe there are solutions others can think of. If you decide it is still essential, proceed along.
3. Recruit your village. Are there people in your life who would be interested in helping in the ways you've outlined above? Now is a great time to ask them to get a sense of how much help you can get by cashing in favors. For instance, I have some friends who would likely do the nap thing, but maybe not so many who would do the overnight thing. Do you have friends who will clean your counters or help you stay caught up on the LLL Show even if it is now waaay past your bedtime?
4. Hire some village people. Maybe you think you want cute baby clothes or high-tech surveillance equipment, but in my case, neither of those things will help me much. A postpartum doula might willingly work with me to spend a night every week for six weeks for a not too unreasonable rate. Consider hiring a cleaning person to do an expert job once a week rather than cashing in every last favor for the sake of clean countertops.

Heed any inkling you have that something might stand between you and a mentally healthy postpartum period and address it now, preemptively rather than six weeks into misery. 

Ever glanced at magazines at the checkout counter and wondered what it would be like to have everyone eager to learn what you ate last week, where you plan to shop next weekend, or who you've been sleeping with?

Congratulations, mama. Now we all want to know (we might have some good guesses on at least one of the areas above).

Your pregnancy announcement tells the masses that you're identifying yourself as someone worth cyberstalking. Your bump may attract all sorts of inappropriate questions, unsolicited advice, and direct stares. I know some mamas who love this, who welcome their new status as The Keeper of the Next Generation and some who start wearing abnormally large hats and bags to “cover” their belly just as your favorite character does on TV when the actress becomes pregnant, but the character she plays does not. P.S.: No one is fooling anyone.

As anyone who moves into the ranks of fame will tell you, you will soon learn who your friends really are.

Tips for Becoming a Famous Mama-to-be:

1. Channel your inner bobble head: when onlookers recount their post-baby exercise routine, or offer recipes for homebrewed salves for your soon-to-be-sore nipples, smile and nod your head. Tell them you'll look into honey-butter nipple salve and thank them for their time. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But be the ever-gracious celeb rather than crushing dreams.
   
2. Wield your belly power responsibly: people may offer you a seat on the bus, an extra-generous helping of dessert, or even money and gifts. Consider yourself your baby's agent, and kindly accept any assistance your baby (or your baby's mother's ankles) could really use. Sit when you really need to, even if it inconveniences someone, but don't barge onto the bus thinking “I get everything I want because I am the host to the alien species which will now take over your planet, you lowly Earth creatures!”
   
3. Tell us how you will tell us: if you plan to announce your birth via email, let us know. If you plan to livestream your birth, let us know how to tune in. Just tell us how to love you most, or we will take it upon ourselves to check your Facebook like it is our religion.
   

Tips for Being an Adoring Fan, Not a Criminal Stalker/Creeper

1. Repeat after me: You Look Great. Never qualify this statement with “... for someone who is seven months pregnant,” or “for someone who just ran a marathon with a Thanksgiving turkey snuggled in their britches” or any other qualifier. You don't look big, or small, or tired, or anything else, unless they truly don't appear to look well, in which case the only reasonable substitute is “you look like you're not feeling well.”
   
2. Send only love. Post affirmations of support on Facebook, send well wishes, and keep your gossip among your non-pregnant friends. Never say “weren't you due last Friday?” or “wow, are you sure you don't have twins in there?” Mamas feel enough pressure on their bladders, they don't need your two cents, too (also, feel free to check facebook like it is your religion because it won't bother mama at all).
   
3. Unless you are paid high sums by a tabloid magazine, tho shalt not post someone else's baby pictures on the interwebs without their permission. Sometimes, after playing host to a baby for nine months, mama actually wants the pleasure of announcing her baby rather than logging onto Pintrest to find you've already given away her exclusive.